Wednesday, 6 July 2011

Monday, Monday

I have realised that my attempt to 'be good' and eat healthily has to start on a Monday. Some people can't get out of bed unless the minutes past the hour are a multiple of five, some people feel a stagnant underlying pressure to arrange their socks in pristine sets of 5, but personally, my OCD-esque necessity lies in not being able to start any diet or healthy eating plan on any day other than a Monday. Why? Well, it's pretty logical. Monday is the start of the week, thus lending itself to a 'clean slate'. After a long and stressful week punctuated with comfort eating, snacking, food on the go, the odd meal out - the calories soon add up. Then comes the weekend. Well, you can't start your diet on the weekend, can you? The only two days given to us by society to have some form of freedom, to do as we please, we should be able to let our hair down and have the odd treat. Which brings us back to the only valid option, I'll start again on Monday.

The problem is, as much as your intentions are ablaze with grim determination come Monday, by Wednesday night you are sat rocking back and forth in a darkened room having withdrawal sweats from the wine and chocolate you have forgone, and by Friday you've broken free from your dietary reins in a disillusioned frenzy and are eating cake…with your hands…out of the bin. Don't try to deny it, depriving oneself of the joys of life - i.e. everything that is bad for us - usually has alarming and uncontrollable effects, resulting in a hefty backlash and a binge session so severe that even the dog starts to look tasty.

I've tried to be bold several times and go against the grain, aiming to start my 'Jennie-Be-Good' eating regime on a Tuesday or a Friday, but to no avail, as my inherent excuse generator continually reminds me that it would be a far better option to start this torturous process on a Monday. When you think about it though, as if Mondays aren't bad enough. Monday is proven to be the absolute worst day of the week and on top of that you are taking away all the naughty foods that satisfy you in your darkest hour. You may as well go the whole hog and blow torch my Sex and the City boxiest while you're at it. Realistically, the whole concept of going on a diet that cuts out every food and drink that I enjoy is never going to last very long, but I'm good at perseverance, even if it does last two days a week.

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